I Believed Him
by make-each-day-count
Summary: Lily's thoughts after that fateful day by the lake fifth year. One-shot.


**A/N: In a mood, and this just happened. Pretty shabby, I don't know how much I like it. The end wasn't to my liking either. Leave a review and tell me what you think. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, JK Rowling, my idol owns it all :)**

* * *

Mudblood.

The word rings through my ears as I run as fast as I possibly can through the corridors, in a vain attempt to find a place to hide.

In all honestly, I just want to be left alone. I don't want any sympathy. I don't want comfort. I just want to be alone with my thoughts.

No fifteen year old girl should be called the vilest of names by her best friend in front of a large crowd of her peers.

Of course, I had seen this coming. I knew Sev was bound to break his ties with me sooner or later. He always pulled those horrible tricks on innocent, unsuspecting students with Malfoy and his lot. He read up frequently on the Dark Arts, not even hiding his fascination for this evil sort of magic.

"You know Sev," I would say, trying to hide my anxiety over his newfound interests and friends, "I don't understand why you're so interested in that kind of stuff."

He would just roll my eyes at me, and respond haughtily, "You just don't understand, Lily. You don't get it."

And he was right. I didn't understand.

I couldn't fathom why anyone would use magic for the harm of others. Maybe I was just naïve; fifteen is not that old, after all.

I would still try to appeal to Severus, to save the crumbling bridge that stood between us, holding our friendship up.

"Maybe, you should take a break from Malfoy and Avery and that lot," I said, more than once, "We should go down to see Hagrid soon, you never come with me to see him anymore."

He looked at me and scoffed before practically spitting at me, "They're my friends, Lily. Why don't you ask Potter?"

Severus had always been immensely jealous of James Potter. I suspected it had to do with the fact I had shown an interest in him that I had never shown in Severus; this interest being of the romantic sort.

Of course, Potter had no idea I had shown such interest in him; I had only confessed my small, budding feeling to Severus the summer before fourth year. He was enraged, and made short comments about Potter whenever he deemed necessary (which was quite often). To please Sev, and try to save our deteriorating friendship, I suppressed my feelings, and often engaged in rows with Potter, the only way I could let the passionate feelings I held for him free.

Maybe I should blame Potter for what happened at the lake. He did provoke Sev after all, with seemingly no reason for doing so. He always pulled pranks on Sev; challenged him; infuriated him. And worst of all, he had made the girl Sev was head over heels for fall in love with him, arrogant ego and all.

Yes, I did love James Potter; and I resented the fact with my whole heart.

I loved his laugh, and his glasses, and the way he ran his hand through his hair. No matter how much I tried to hate him, I just always loved him so much more.

It was unfair, really. That I loved James, and wanted Severus to be my friend. It was unfair that I couldn't have both. That's all I really wanted.

Severus had really shown his true colors today, though; green and silver. He was a true Slytherin, through and through. I hated it.

Footsteps sounding brought me back to my reality of sitting in a deserted corridor on the fourth floor in the shadows. Much to my disgust, my face was dripping with tears.

The footsteps stopped, and I felt the presence of another person standing a few feet from me. A sharp intake of breath, and a voice said, "Oh Merlin, Evans, I made you cry!"

Trying to will the tears away by closing my eyes, I turned to face Potter. When I opened my eyes, I could see his face, gravely pale, and his hands slightly shaking.

"I'm not crying." I tried, in my strongest voice.

Potter shook his head walking closer to my huddled figure, "Come off it Evans. I'm not blind." He said, pointing to his glasses. I tried to force a smile, but only managed a grimace. Potter sighed, sitting down next to me on the ground.

"Listen, Evans- no, Lily. Your name is Lily. Lily, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, ever. I feel like such a prick, I'm- I'll try to change for you, honest. I don't want you to think I'm a bullying toerag anymore, because everything you said to me, you were right, you-"

I cut him off my burying my head in his shoulder. His muscles were tense from surprise, I suppose, but soon he relaxed, running his hand through my hair.

"I wasn't right." I said suddenly, voice trembling.

Potter looked at me, bewildered. "What?"

"Yeah, you're a bullying toerag sometimes. And your ego can be the size of this castle, but you don't make me sick. I wouldn't choose the giant squid over you. I wouldn't choose anyone over you." The words tumbled out of my mouth quickly, and Potter's hand froze in my hair. There was a long, stretching silence and neither of us even moved.

"I'm never going to let anything hurt you again." I heard him whisper into my hair, and even though I knew that this was impossible, it still made me smile.

"Don't make a promise you can't keep, James." I said, managing a smile in his direction. He returned it, and I reached my hand out to gingerly inspect the deep gash on his face, courtesy of Severus. He winced, and took my hand in his own.

"I'm sure as hell going to try."

And by the look on his face, I could tell he meant it, and I believed him.


End file.
